My Happy Lists

If you are going to see a counselor for the first time, it can be pretty intimidating. No matter what issue you are going to work on, the following tips will help you get the most out of counseling.

1. Drop your guard. We all have walls that we put up to protect ourselves. That wall is going to be one of the biggest obstacles to your growth. By dropping your guard, you commit to being honest and completely open. If you want to get your money’s worth, this is the #1 way to do it. It will be difficult, especially when you start approaching topics that cause some pain, shame, or negative emotions. Remind yourself that you’re in a safe place and that’s what you are here for. So drop your guard and be real.

2. Find the right match. Counselors are human, and they have personalities and therapeutic styles. To get the most out of your time, you must find the right match. That means you might have to hop around counselors for a little while, but it will be worth it. It’s better to shop around than meet the discouragement of delayed and negative progress due to a poor match. So take the time (and money) to find the right match.

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You’ll never be fully prepared to be a parent, but get some of these discussions out of the way beforehand to make the transition a little easier.

1. Complications.  If you aren’t able to get pregnant, what options are you willing to seek out?  Adoption? Fertility treatment? How long will you try? Agreeing on this before you start trying to get pregnant will prevent painful arguments if you encounter complications.

2. Guardians.  Who will you select as your childrens’ guardians if something should happen to you?  Be sure to include this in your will, and if you don’t have a will, be sure to get one before having children.

3. How many. This is such a common question that I doubt anyone will need to be reminded to discuss it.  Agreeing on how many children you both wish to try for is important, especially if you don’t agree.

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All children lie.  Yes, even your little darling will lie to you at some point.  However, some kids struggle with lying more than others.  If you have caught your child lying so many times you can’t remember and you can’t think of anything to get them to stop, try out some of these ideas.  Feel free to print the list off, add your own ideas, or leave feedback on your success.

1. 1 minute.  Children who are chronic liars often lie about bad behavior to avoid getting in trouble. If lying is the behavior you want to stop first, try giving them 1 minute.

Tell your child, "You have 1 minute to tell me the truth. If you tell me the truth about something you did bad, you will only receive the known consequence (for example, 2 minutes of timeout – something mild), but if you lie about something you did bad, you will receive the known consequence for the bad behavior (2 minutes of timeout) plus another consequence for lying (something WAY worse).

This works because your chronic liar experiences lying as a way to avoid a consequence. If you reduce the consequence she’s trying to avoid, then her reason for lying is removed.

Explain to your child, if you break the rules, there will always be consequences. But if you LIE, there will be consequences and then even bigger consequences on top of it. So just tell the truth, face the consequence, and move on.  The key here is not punishing your child over a prolonged amount of time. Give them nice, positive attention after they pay their time or consequence. Don’t hold it over their head. Give them a clean slate and more chances to be successful.

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As a parent, teacher, mentor, school administrator, aunt, uncle, or any adult – you may have teenagers in your life that you would like to connect with.  Perhaps you’d like to talk with them, be accepted by them, and have an over-all positive connection with them.  Depending on the teenager, this can be a daunting and potentially impossible endeavor.  Every teenager is different, and these may not work on yours – but it’s worth a shot if you’d really like to get into the lives of your teenagers. If you have additional ideas that have worked for you, please add a comment. Thanks!

1. Don’t try to be cool.  An adult who is trying to be cool looks like an idiot. You may think you’re being sly and natural. You’re not. So stop trying to be cool for your teenagers.  They already think you’re lame – so the sooner you accept that you are (in their eyes) the better. Teenagers tend to prefer an adult who is comfortable with themselves – it puts them at ease. So just relax and be yourself.

2. Stop talking.  I get it, you’re nervous. You feel like you need to feel the air…with the sound of your own voice. Relax. Maybe if you’d just chill for a little bit, your teenager might feel comfortable enough to start talking. But it is possible for angsty teens to sit for hours in silence – just to make you feel like an ass.  So don’t say anything along the lines of, “We’ll just sit here until you start talking.” 

3. Don’t offer them a challenge.  Saying something like, “I can sit here all day until you start talking,” will only challenge them to do exactly that. Beware of trying to intimidate them into talking.  You’ll only make them trust you less.

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I’m currently in the process of transferring all the blog entries over at happylists.wordpress.com over to my new wordpress website, www.MyHappylists.com.

Please be patient while I transfer over the older entries (and update them as best as possible in the process).

Thanks!

~Angela Wilson
MyHappyLists.com Writer & Administrator

My mom started going gray in her twenties, and after 30 years of dying her hair, she finally stopped and let it go gray (well, it’s actually closer to white). And the truth is, it is BEAUTIFUL! She gets compliments all the time and people can’t seem to keep their hands off her hair.

Inspired by my beautiful mother, here are 11 reasons women should let their hair go gray.

 1. Save Money.  If you’ve been dying your hair for years, you know how expensive it can.  Even if your buying the do-it-yourself hair dye at Walmart, it still adds up.  And if you are going to the salon for your monthly cover-up, you are spending a ton of money on hiding something beautiful.

2. Gray is beautiful.  It’s true.  Stop listening to media (which is funded by advertisers like Clairol) and recognize how gorgeous gray hair is.

3. Look wise.  You automatically look wise.  Even if you’re not, you look all smart and stuff.

4. You’re a Grandma.  If you are a grandma, you have the perfect excuse to go gray.  You know you love being a granny, so fully embrace it – get the whole look down.

5. It doesn’t make you look old.  See #3.  Now, if you are perming that gray mop into a short curly do on the top of your head…well, this one doesn’t apply.

6. Set the example.  When my mom stopped dying her hair, she hated how everyone touched it and commented on it (she was only 45).  But then people started telling her that she gave them the confidence that they could go gray.  So be the model for other women out there who are living in fear of allowing their natural beauty out.

7. You’re appreciative.  If you believe (and that’s fine if you don’t) that God created you.  Appreciate it, and quit trying to hide what He gave you.

8. No stress about roots.  Imagine no longer stressing about scheduling that appointment in time so your roots won’t show.  Stop scheduling your life around hair dye!

9. Avoid allergies.  Many women are allergic to the chemical in hair dye and break out in nasty red rashes.  Gray is much prettier than red in this instance!

10. Grey hair is sexy.  That’s what this writer claims, and I have to agree!

11. You have attitude.  A sexy and confident attitude is essentially for pulling off the gray look.  Here’s a few good hints about going gray and staying sexy.

If you have a craving and want to satisfy it (in a healthy way), check out what your cravings actually mean. This list was developed by Dr. Colleen Huber, a Naturopathic Medical Doctor and author of Choose Your Foods Like Your Life Depends On It.

I recommend printing the full list, Food Craving, and placing it on your fridge to reference when your next craving hits.

1. Chocolate. If you crave chocolate, what you really need is Magnesium, which can be found in raw nuts and seeds, legumes, and fruits.

2. Oily snacks, fatty foods. If you’re craving these, what you really need is calcium, which can be found in mustard and turnip greens, broccoli, kale, legumes, cheese, and sesame.

3. Burned food. What you really need is carbon, which can be found in fresh fruits.

4. Chewing Ice. What you really need is Iron, which can be found in meat, fish, poultry, seaweed, greens, and black cherries.

5. Salty Foods. What you really need is chloride, which can be found in raw goat milk, fish, and unrefined sea salt.

6. Cool drinks. What you really need is manganese, which can be found in walnuts, almonds, pecans, pineapple, and blueberries.

We’ve all been there.  You look in the rear view mirror, see those lights go on, and panic hits you.  Sometimes I blank out the previous couple minutes, was I speeding? did I run a stop sign? did I make an illegal turn?

Here are some ideas to avoid getting pulled over in the first place.

1. Drive the Speed Limit.  I know this is obvious, but if you aren’t running late, it might be something to seriously consider.  An additional benefit of following the speed limit (versus speeding) is an increase in gas mileage.  That’s a win-win reason.

2. Middle of the Pack.  Need to speed? Find a group of cars going the speed you want and hang out in the middle.  The first car is likely to trigger a cop radar, and the last car is likely to get pulled over first.  Hanging out in the middle is a safer placer to be if you need to speed.

3. Follow a Speeder. Put some distance between you and the speeder and let him trigger the radar.  The distance allows you enough time to slow down when the cop pulls out.

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Tired of your job?  Ready for something new?  Check out some of these ideas for ways to successfully change careers.

1. Unemployment. Check out the rules and requirements for qualifying for unemployment. Before you quit or get fired, you’ll want to be educated about your options for unemployment. The extra money from Unemployment might be enough to get you through a few months while you’re changing careers.

2. Good Resume. Even if you think you have a good resume, get some help.  Your local college and other professionals are good resources for help with writing an effective resume.  Some places offer this service, but shop around.  You don’t want to pay for something you can get for free or do yourself (with some helpful suggestions or advice from people you already know).

3. Counseling. If you’re not exactly sure what you want to do, invest in some career counseling.  Your local college probably offers this service at a decent price (maybe even free!).  Consider it an investment in yourself.  An effective career counselor will take an integrative approach – including personality tests, career inventories, career educations, and other services.  Ask for what your career counseling will involve when you’re calling around.

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If you or someone you care about has been cheated on, you know the pain and confusion that goes along with the experience. Although I’ve never experienced it personally, I’ve worked with and helped many who have. Feel free to use the following ideas to help yourself or someone you care about heal and recover.

If you are married or in a serious relationship and your partner has cheated on you – you are probably experiencing a great deal of pain, anger, confusion, frustration, and other negative feelings.

Whether or not you choose to stay in your relationship, it’s going to take some time and effort to heal. Remember, there’s no reason to go through this alone. Don’t be afraid to reach out to family, friends, or a counselor.

To get started on the healing process, try out some of these ideas.

1. Get out of the House. The worst thing you can do right now is isolate yourself. Take this opportunity to try something new, go somewhere you enjoy, and connect with people you haven’t talked to or seen in a while.

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